My daughter is scared of something… a story she heard at camp. She told Maggie, but Maggie hasn’t had a chance to tell me. Ghosts, I think.
It scared her enough that I’ve been kicked out of my bed and into hers. She’s sleeping with Maggie, and I’m here… all cuddled up in pink sheets, in a twin-bed. It’s actually pretty comfortable.
I spoke with the police. So did Maggie. They wanted us to come out there, because they were concerned that when Maggie’s mother wakes up tomorrow, she’d simply walk out the door instead of going to detox. We said no. Because she can walk out of detox just as easily, and we’re not moving up there.
Alcoholism is a family disease. And I’m going to try and not let it do too much additional damage here at Clan Championable.
Ah, who the fuck am I kidding? Maggie’s completely wrecked. She said she feels like she’s been punched in the chest.
Anyway. She’s talking about going up there tomorrow. She asked if I could stay home from work. God help me, but I told her no. I have four interviews tomorrow, and it’s the third day with my new employee. I need to be in my office.
I just don’t know.
Love to all. Even you, the situationally kindhearted.
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I have been sitting here for a while, thinking. Hoping to find the right thing to say, some form of encouragement or sage advice.
I’m coming up empty on this one.
All I can tell you is that it SUCKS and I’m so very sorry. For all of you.
I wish that we could all be there to distract the kids with baking, board games and guitar hero.
I wish I could help.
Well, that sounds like a princess bed and princesses get the best of everything, right? So it stands to reason you’d be comfy.
God I hope you’re not talking about me with that situationally kindhearted stuff. Even if you don’t mean to be I think you might be.
Is there ever a right and good answer in situations like this? Good on you for continuing to come up with answers and rolling with the changes today. Sleep tight little princess.
It’s hard to know what to do, but you have to do what is right for you. And Maggie has to do what is right for her. Sometimes those things don’t go together. Sometimes you have to find a way to make them work together, but in the end, everyone has to make their own choices. Not any easier, I know.
And sorry you have to go through this. If only you really were a little princess and didn’t have to worry about such things.
Like everyone else, I feel so helpless here. Know you are all in my prayers daily.
this past weekend my husband and i went to the memorial service of our friend mick who died of liver failure. it was a very strange service, in that everybody who spoke, from the pastor to friends and family, focused on his alcoholism almost to the exclusion of everything else . . . his brother said he was angry at him for not being able to stop, and sorry that he was not able to save him. i knew mick for 35 years, he was a great guy, and i will miss him. but i do not feel bad or guilty that i wasn’t able to “save” him. the poem below expresses this sentiment beautifully, i think.
The Journey
By Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Staying home from work is not going to save your mother-in-law.
You have every right to hang on to your own life, even if she is willfully destroying hers.
What Miss Britt said, because all the help in the world won’t save her if she ain’t interested in saving herself.
i love that you didn’t get swept up in the drama that her mom is creating. sometimes it is so easy to get sucked into it. i know you will stay strong for yourself and your mrs. she is going to really need you.
p.s. i didn’t mean that comment to sound like you mil is intentionally creating drama for drama’s sake. please know that i understand she has a very real problem. it is just that i love that you know you can’t fix it…she has to want to make a change.
Here’s the thing - neither you nor Maggie can alter your lives for the sake of someone who clearly does not want help. You’ll be there when the MIL is serious about getting better, but until then, you must take care of yourselves. At least, that’s the path I’m treading with my friend - I don’t know what else to do about not getting sucked into her vortex…
I am so sorry to hear about Maggie and her mom. I love the new look of the blog.
You are doing the right thing. You know you are. You can only help people who actually want to be helped. The ones who don’t can suck the life out of you and your entire family.