If I was gay, I hope to God I’d be out. Like, super out. Like, married-in-Massachusetts-with-three-adopted-kids out.
For me, super out = living like everyone else, as moment-to-moment unaware that some people define my life as abnormal as can be.
The New York Times Magazine had a big article on the life of gay couples in Massachusetts. I didn’t get to read the whole thing - life in the suburban fast lane, you know - but the upshot was that married life for gay couples is pretty much the same as life for other couples.
To which I say: duh.
This is why this issues bugs me so much. As my 11-year-old says: “love is love.”
But this isn’t the point of this post at all.
The point of this post is that I’m no longer certain I care about the whole pseudoanonymity thing. Anyone who wants to figure out who I am can have a pretty easy time of it, and it’s not like I’m hiding anything here. And it’s getting harder and harder to separate these worlds, with the number of Face
So… what of it? Do you folks have any opinions on blog anonymity? Is it worth it? Possible? Stupid?
Love to all. Even you, the umbrella-as-rocket salesman.
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My personal feelings are that I will try and stay somewhat anonymous. I don’t use my kids or husbands names and never my last name. But I also have a lot of anxiety, so I do what I feel comfortable with.
I use my own first name sometimes but not my husband’s or kids. I wouldn’t want the EW to get smart and google all of our names and land on my page. Though I do use the dogs’ real names. If she ever gets that smart then I’ll just have to live with the fallout.
I only worried about anonymity briefly when I was looking for a job. Got over it. Still use my pseudonym, but have been considering dropping it. I suck an anonymity anyway. I use our real names (not last name, though) on my flickr account, so why bother with invented names on the blog except as a literary device (it identifies the kids a bit). Though I’m pretty out there, since I’m married to a teacher, I’m always worried about THAT blow back.
Shit.
Okay, let me start over. I’m thinking about a new pseudonym. The Blogger Formerly Known as DCup. Beyond that, who knows?
I don’t care if you guys know who I am… I care if future employers know that Tori is me… I do use a pseudonym, but I’ve pretty much become that person… I just don’t want my REAL name able to be googled is all…
It goes against every single thing I’ve ever been taught about being online. But I’m 16. Plus, even if I were like 18 or 21 I wouldn’t want random people coming up to me in the street and talking to me about my blog. Or my sisters.
I’ve always been whatever the opposite of anonymous is, partly because I feel like, with my let’s call it interesting history, what more can I do to shame the name? I mean, I am a girl who did some highly illegal things that may or may not have an expired statute of limitations. What could I write about that would be worse?
I don’t write about my family, really, and I don’t usually post pictures, but that’s because I have family who is basically respectable, and because my last name is surprisingly unique.
And I kind of believe that anyone who will hold my writing about life against me is not someone I want in my life anyway. Especially not as an employer. I mean, it’s not like I write porn.
Does it ring untrue if someone who uses the pseudonym “Miss Britt” claims to NOT be anonymous?
I’m making an attempt at anonymity, because it’s true that there are a lot of really irrational and unstable people out there, and why would I make it any easier for them to make me a target?
That being said, I don’t have an iron-clad secret super-hero identity, either; a reader of mine figured out who I am a few months ago, and it kind of scared me. She dug around in my blog, found a few clues, then looked around the internet and found out my real name. There’s been no fallout from it - at least, not yet - she hasn’t outed me to the world and, as far as I know, she’s not come stalking me or my home. The point of the story, though, is that I’m technically no longer in control of who does or does not know who I am; this person could out me at any time for any reason. I don’t like that one bit, but at this point, I’m powerless to do anything about it. I’m burying my head in the sand and hoping this person forgets about me.
I have reasons to be anonymous (Stalker Girl), and even I find it hard to stay that way. I don’t mind at all that my frequent readers know my name/are my Facebook friends/whatever.
The thing is, it’s really a one-way worry: I don’t want some person searching on my real name to come up with my blog, is all. I’m not that worried about it going the other way around. My stalker isn’t going to come to my blog and THEN find me that way. She’s going to search on my name, as she often does…If my blog comes up, that gives her access to way more information than I would ever want her to have, and it would be dangerous. If she’s already at my blog, then the gig is up anyway.
Did that make ANY sense?
I began my blog as anonymously as possible. Between my Real Life Job and Real Life Co-workers/friends, I find it best to keep everything a little…quiet. I have only used the real names of 3 people to date, and only first names at that. The rest get nicknames, and I use these nicknames in REAL LIFE (I really DO call my husband “Chachi”; when he needs a haircut, I call him “Eddie Munster”.) I don’t generally speak of my father (whom I adore), as he has the right to privacy and the right to live his life Post Mum as he sees fit. I cheer him on off blog instead. Ditto the rest of my extended family.
I started to ease up about my anonymity until a blogger friend of a blogger friend passed away unexpectedly. When the family posted his real name, service schedule, etc on his blog, they received harrassing emails, phone calls, etc. I can’t imagine what they went through. [They ended up deleting the blog, which was a tragedy in itself. He was a wonderful writer.]
That said, I have made incredible “Real Life” friends on line who (obviously) know my identity. I’m pretty sure you’re one of them. (I stumbled upon YOUR identity a while back. My response? “That is SO COOL!”)
I’m only the Po on my blog because it’s my nickname and I like it. I use the names of my kids and my husband and other people all the time.
Who the hell would care about me anyway :p?
I’ve thought long and hard about the anonymousity vs letting everyone know who you are debate. It seemed particularly pertinent to me in the past because I would share a LOT about my life and the people in it. In the end, I’ve decided that for me it matters very little. I’m more worried about people in my life that I may write about suffering repercussions than I am about myself.
I don’t have a very big reader base and I’ve never really had any problems with anyone. I used code names for pretty much everyone in my life (most of the time - I think I’ve slipped up a couple of times.
It’s an interesting conundrum, actually, and I think that is particularly so for people of my generation and later. I keep reading about how we Generation Y people grow up expecting fame and obviously the internet is a wonderful tool towards that… but I think it’s also really hard to become famous without divulging a certain amount of yourself to the general public.
Personally, the narcissist in me kind of like the idea that people know who I am. That’s neat.
As for employers reading what I write - in that respect I’m very careful to keep all mentions of work above board, no low blows allowed. No bitching about co-workers allowed. Etc. Outside of that, they know that I’m a neurotic nutcase and they love me anyway so I don’t worry about them happening upon my blog.
I don’t think being anonymous is strictly necessary, as long as the poster is sensible about what they say.
p.s. It’s pretty evident that I didn’t properly proof-read that. It’s full of errors.
I blame this headcold.
I waffle on blogging anonymously vs. Not. I’m relatively anon. on my blog, but I could be figured out as well. My last name is entirely unique (no really, we made it up, so yeah, it’s truly unique), and both my name and one of my children’s names are both rare/unusual. I am “famous/well-known” in a very precise and obscure niche, professionally speaking, and I’d rather not get that confused with the Me in my blog. I don’t want someone googling my name and coming up with my blog; I’m perfectly comfortable with everything that is “out there” on the internet about me (at least googly-speaking) being seen by anybody and everybody. Except my blog. Then again, being anon., like all lies/half-truths/deceptions, gets old after awhile and becomes utterly tiring to maintain.
When I started blogging it was while we were in the process to adopt. There were reasons to be anonymous and of course while we were in the foster/adopt stage it was not ok for me to disclose my son’s identity. I keep a certain minimal anonymity, mostly for my own comfort, but I have posted images and even met bloggers in real life.
My partner and I decided a long time ago that we were going to be “OUT”. We aren’t married in Massacheusetts but we are Domestic Partners. This is the best that California offers right now. We knew that living closeted was destructive and we wouldn’t give anyone the power over our lives.
Rich, I think this is a good question, but after reading everyone else’s comments, I think there’s another question worth considering: why are you blogging?
Not that I can answer that question myself…it does get to the heart of the matter.
Like DCup, I’m married to a teacher, and that’s played a role in what anonymity I maintain.
People have still tracked me down via the blog, though, so I guess I’m not doing a very good job at maintaining anonymity.