So I have this theory.
First, you have to design an automated, self-cleaning, completely sanitary handjob machine. Then, you have create a large series of small rooms, each containing one of these machines. Then, you have to require ALL men to enter one of these rooms for 10 minutes each day, between the hours of 9 and 11 am.
What they do in this room is up to them. They can use the machine, they can pray, they can read the paper, they can do whatever. The only thing they CAN’T do is contact anyone outside the room for ten minutes. That way, nobody can influence (psychologically or otherwise) what they do in the room.
Would the world be a better place?
Maggie and I were talking about Spitzer et al. She believes that the whole “going to a hooker” thing is a power trip for men. I disagree. I think that some/many men may look at it as a power thing, but I think that it’s inherently an EJACULATION thing, and if men were chemically rebalanced every day, the world might be a little easier place to be.
Either that, or I’m trying to justify a robust masturbation schedule.
Anyway. I clearly haven’t thought this plan through.
Sirius radio was really fun. Before I actually got called in, I took my daughter on a tour of the floor via video iChat. That was really neat.
The show was on channel 110 (”The Blog Bunker”), and I didn’t realize it was LIVE until I was entering the studio. The host was 23, smart, very well spoken, and a wee bit detached. He didn’t make a lot of eye contact, and when the show was over I had to kind of get in his way to shake his hand and thank him. He was someone that would be fun to talk to somewhat more aggressively, since I think he’d enjoy the back and forth.
I was told that he was a little sarcastic and head-on, but compared to my friends, he was a most gentle of lambs.
He had read my post about Elizabeth, and wanted to talk about that. The last thing I wanted was to appear to be pining for someone I’m not, so we managed to find out that HE was breaking up with someone at that moment, which was actually a lot more interesting. We also touched on gay rights, the separation of church and state, and took a call from a Canadian who said that I was a bad Catholic.
Totally fun. When I left, the lady who booked me said “When we have you back, you’ll know what to expect now.” I was like, “Whoo hoo!” She wrote me an email this morning saying the same thing, so I’m pretty sure it was more than just a nice way of getting me out the door.
All in all, it was a blast. Yay.
Love to all. Even you, the fabulous salespeople at the ticket scalping place.
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great. Now I’m going to HAVE to get a satellite radio. any chance of a podcast???
but seriously? I’m stoked for you. Nobody better, IMHO.
notice how I’m sort of ignoring the other part of the post? I got nothing to add. Shocked? me too.
***and this concludes our blog-comment-hogging portion of the program.*****
I think you’ve got something there but, according to what I’ve read, Spitzer’s needs would require a somewhat more complex machine.
Oh I’m so envious of your experience and I want to hear more about you being a bad Catholic. What a great night! Go Rich Go!
“a robust masturbation schedule.”
Love. It.
No, really - is there a podcast? Because I’d LOVE to hear this interview,but I have zero access to satellite radio. Plus, the bad Catholic thing? How did that go over?
I think that you, the Radio Star, is excellent in a way that is seldom seen.
I am no longer allowed to comment on masturbatory issues.
Um, I’d like to think it has less to do with ejaculation and more to do with having a few moments where no one needs anything from you.
Wow, all this and a media star too :)! So glad you had fun and they dug you (how could they help it?).
About your little gizmo, ummmm, you guys HAVE hands.
But I get the point, and I totally agree. I think there would be so much less violence in this world if men weren’t mis-channeling their horniness.
would there be a special attachment for a finger up your ass?
Congratulations on the radio interview!
And the machine? Nah. The high maintenence men would sue you for ‘lack of proper care’ or something. You know: Ten minutes is too much, it’s not enough, I wasn’t loved enough as a child…
Do you REALLY want to get into the middle of all that?
You are totally onto something with this Global Intentionally Scheduled Masturbation (GISM) idea…have your people call my people (try after 11am, no one seems to answer the phones ’til then).
…and it wasn’t me who called you a bad Catholic ’cause I live in Texas. Wow.
Yeah. And on the other part. When we quit living for the pleasures of this world…and live for the next.
The radio show sounds like a blast! So very cool. Like the other commenters I want a podcast.
As for that machine. Here’s what struck me:
(1) Robust masturbation schedule? You mean guys have one, too?
(2) Will the machine have a porn feed?
(3) Chemically rebalanced? Will one ten minute session be enough?
Maybe I’m hanging around with the wrong type of people…..
I quite like the idea of this machine. I expect to see more and a patent by the end of the year.
I know several men who would be not-so-giant wankers (pardon the pun) if this service were implemented.
I dunno. I’m with Maggie - I think it’s a power trip and the fact that they’re getting away with something. Your wankatorium idea is a pretty funny one, though.
i have some cash set aside for JUST this is type of investment. need some venture capital? i’m all over it.
“i’m not only the president, i’m also a client”
As a male and a copywriter/content provider, I think you might be on to something if you chose an alternate term for “handjob”…perhaps “content provider”?
Re. the radio thing: as my man from way back Flavor Flav would say, you the man, I’m just visiting.