My mother-in-law has decided to move back to her house. Tomorrow.
She is less than 90 days sober. She can’t lift a bag of groceries. She is too weak to take out the garbage. She had agreed to stay at our house for 3 - 6 months after getting out of rehab. It has been less than two.
Her reason? “It’s hectic living with children.”
That, my friends, is an enormous pile of bullshit. Not the sentence itself, but the use of the kids as an excuse to bail on her commitments. The kids aren’t home from 8 am to 3pm, and often later than that. She only sees them for three to five hours a day, and much of that time they are playing games in the basement.
Maggie asked if she would at least stay until Friday, when she was supposed to be celebrating her youngest son’s birthday. That request was met, literally, with silence.
Understandably, Maggie is pissed off, scared, and highly disappointed.
My mother-in-law’s fingernails tell a physical truth. From the cuticle to the middle (the most recent growth), they are healthy and normal. Going forward, they are mottled and yellow. You can see when she went to rehab in her fucking fingernails.
She leaves, she dies. That’s my opinion. I hope I’m wrong, because she’s leaving.
Love to all. Even you, Kathleen.
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February 26th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
GOD this is so hard! How does one reconcile an abiding love for someone while at the same time giving them the freedom to destroy themselves?
I love an alcoholic - a functioning one, but one nonetheless - and it scares the ever loving shit out of me. I want to take over; to care for her when she can’t care for herself, but at the same time I recognize that’s not helping her - that’s not what she needs.
I know there’s nothing anyone can do or say to make this any easier, but I’m listening, and I care. Tell Maggie I said so, too, please…
February 26th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
it is so heartbreaking.
prayers…and an ear are all I can offer.
February 26th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
Babe, as someone who has been through the steps, remember to help Maggie let go.
She can be the support, but she can’t do it for her. And if she tries, she’ll have a ton of guilt to live with you.
Hugs to both of you.
February 26th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Like your other commenters, I offer an ear and empathy. I hate it that your family has to fact this ordeal.
I find your fingernail observation very interesting. Now I have a couple of people that I want to shake hands with to see what their nails look like because I have my suspicions.
February 26th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
I’m with the others. Here to listen, and so sorry for the struggles y’all are encountering.
Please go hug your wife for each of us.
February 27th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Great big hugs to you and Maggie and the kids. And your MIL. I hope she sees relatively quickly that she can’t do this alone.
February 27th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
I hope you’re wrong too, Rich, and that things pan out for the better soon.