After three weeks in rehab, Maggie’s Mom changed her mind about her post-rehab treatment plan an is now refusing to do anything but go home. She was supposed to move in with us for 3-6 months.
Three weeks ago, she was in a wheelchair and unable to put two thoughts together. But, she was thankful to be in rehab, and looking forward to getting back on the track to a healthy sobriety. Today, she’s planning on doing nothing but going home to pay bills and intending to “fly to Mexico for a month.” What?
When I queried her on this, she got all befuddled and was like, “I’ll have to call you tomorrow.”
I got her therapist on her phone:
Me: “Weren’t you, me, Maggie, and the MIL supposed to discuss aftercare plans?”
Therapist: “Well, if your MIL is refusing to do anything else …”
Me: “If she’s refusing to do anything else, then I’m done. I’m not paying for her flight, and I’m not involved anymore.”
Th: “Well, you need to tell that to your MIL.”
Me: “No. I don’t. I’m not in this for the therapy. I’m here to help if someone is up for it. Otherwise, later.”
Th: “Okay, then.”
Me: “Fine. Bye.” Click.
Alcoholism is a family disease, and I will NOT let her untreated illness bleed further into my life. Fuck that.
It’s one thing when someone is drinking, and can’t stop. I feel for those people because I WAS that person. But to become LESS willing three weeks into rehab… that’s not the physical addiction. That’s just being unwilling to do what needs to be done.
That’s selfish, stupid, and causing people I love a shitload of pain.
Fuck. That.
Love all. Even you, Kathleen.
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Dude,
I’m so sorry. Sounds like this probably didn’t do much for your holidays. Be there for Maggie. It’s going to be rough, isn’t it.
Good program man, seriously. Sounds like you know what to do to keep you and your family okay.
BTW, missed you at the BC this morning. . .
Having, fortunately, no personal experience with alcoholism, I’m nonetheless proud of you for sticking up for YOU and your family. Allowing an addict (of any kind) bring others down with him or her does no one any good. Though it’s going to be hard, I’m sure, you’re totally making the right and necessary call here.
Damn. Sorry.
That’s all I got.
I’m sorry, so sorry. Hugs to you all.
I’m so sorry.
It feels strange to note this since I don’t know her, but whatever.
Please tell Maggie how sorry I am that she has to deal with this.
Unless she really doesn’t want us to “know”.
If that’s the case, say nothing - and just give her an extra hug from ALL of us out here.
Dude; excellent boundary-setting. You should be proud. (And yes, I’ve seen the follow-up. But she’s sticking to your boundaries, so she warrants the help.)
My MIL is a pill addict who has no interest in getting sober, either. Unfortunately, we don’t even have the threat of no money to help persuade her to walk the straight and narrow; she’s rolling, while we’re dyin’ here.
It’s a tough road. But you’ve walked it, and you know where the potholes are. Know that you’re doing the right thing, and even the good thing, and you’ll be fine.