On Sep 27, 2007, at 4:33 PM, JANE wrote:
Hello,
I am attaching my resume which does not have any copy writing experience , but my resume is only a drop of the ocean, that is my experience. I am an idea person who is creative on almost too many levels. I believe an interview would be necessary for you to understand who I am, and how I could benefit your company.
I look forward to hearing from you,
JANE
On Sep 27, 2007, at 5:52 PM, Rich wrote:
Dear Jane,
It is with great fascination, Sun Chips, and a Fresca that I read your email.
Allow me to say that I very much feel for your resumé. My resumé has no copywriting experience, either. Additionally, my resumé cannot tap dance, yodel, or recite freestyle poetry. Securely bound by the cruel chains of its nature, my resumé would weep in quiet desperation, if only it had tear ducts. Or emotions.
My resumé is an excellent mime, but only when it’s doing “the resumé.”
This ocean. This ocean. This ocean of which you speak. I am confused about this ocean. Is your experience a drop in the ocean? Or is the experience of your resume a drop in this ocean? Is it an ocean of resumes? Is it an ocean of experience, and if so, should one check with the CDC for vaccination requirements before entering this ocean?
What, exactly, is this ocean?
To be honest, I was hesitant to even begin this letter. Not only because I’ve got an irrational fear of Keyboard Spiders, but because of this sentence:
I am an idea person who is creative on almost too many levels.
At this sentence, I was overtaken with emotion, and my eyes misted over. Or rather, I THOUGHT they were misting over, but it turned out that I was actually being maced by my coworker. My screams of agony caromed off the ceiling, down the hall, out the door, up Lafayette Street, off the cube, back down Lafayette street, back into the building, up the stairwell, off the ceiling, and back into this wretched prison of a cubicle, hitting me right in the eyes where I was JUST MACED. What’s the chance of THAT? OMG MY EYES!
Anyway, I was trying to wrap my mind around the idea of being creative on almost TOO many levels, but instead, I accidentally wrapped my mind around my coworker, who promptly maced me again. OMG MY EYES!
What does this mean, to be creative on almost too many levels? Are you awash in ennui, or do you have too much fun? Is everything exciting, or can you already see all of the possibilities, all the angles, thus rendering life a tepid, colorless ocean of flavorless, two-day-old #8 pasta?
These things, I realize, are best left unanswered, because my Fresca is getting warm.
Nonetheless, I remain yours truly,
Richard
President
Love to all. Even you, “JANE.” (Name changed to protect the funny.)
Entries (RSS)
September 27th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
OMG, my eyes are watering too (must be contact mace) and my stomach hurts from laughing.
Makes me want to send you my resume (which also shows no copy-writing experience), just to see the funny response I would receive…
September 27th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Dude, you have to know that if I lived in the Greater New York metropolitan Area, I would make it my business to send you my CV with a different cover letter every day, secure in the knowledge that me having no copy experience would in way hamper your enjoyment of my ability to be silly.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:18 pm
in no way, is what I meant.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:22 pm
My resume’ ALSO has no copy experience.
However, it IS filled with years of meaningless, unrelated work.
I am hoping that you firmly pressed SEND after writing your response.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
I know a couple of good resumes, who do have copywriting experience. I can forward their contact details if you like.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:45 pm
PO: Just to clarify, I almost NEVER respond to resumes like this… this was a really, really rare occasion.
Tracy Lynn: Nothing will ever hamper that enjoyment.
Renn: If I didn’t send it, it wouldn’t be blogworthy.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
LilliPilli: bring it on!
September 27th, 2007 at 6:56 pm
Jane doesn’t know how to use commas, either. I wouldn’t hire her just on that alone…
September 27th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
I was rolling on the floor - that response was tooo funny but sooo appropriate. Since I mentioned in my blog about me sending out resumes - i want everyone to know that MINE was not the one you referenced!!! And it is not a pretty site to see ME rolling on the floor either!!!
September 27th, 2007 at 9:30 pm
When I started reading this post, I thought the extent of it was Jane’s cover letter, which I found quite hilarious and laughed mightily over. I had no idea what was in store as a scrolled further down the page. Rich, this was great. if she happens to respond to your response, please do post it
(Or, perhaps I should have said, “Please, do post, it.”)
September 27th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
Oh my word! That is hysterical — both her so-called cover letter and your response. Some people…wow! Thanks for sharing; I needed a good laugh today.
September 27th, 2007 at 10:17 pm
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I’m laughing out loud at this post. OMG. It’s almost too creative.
BTW my resume has plenty of copy experience. It has been copied, repeatedly, in fact, over 100 times in the past few months. Can my resume work, for you?
September 27th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
I don’t know if there’s anything worse than warm Fresca…. Unless it’s being adrift in a multi-level ocean of my own creativity.
Your response was brilliant and just the laugh I needed.
September 28th, 2007 at 3:00 am
Hilarious.
Still, Jane is at least semi-literate. That’s better by half than a lot of people.
September 28th, 2007 at 8:13 am
You had me at Fresca and Sun Chips.
OMG, I hope one day to get a reject letter as good as this one!
NFH
September 28th, 2007 at 8:30 am
Dear Rich,
I need a job.*
You give out jobs, right?
My resume does not have copy writing, firefighting or exotic dancing experience on it.
If it’s all the same to you I’d like a copy writing job, though, so I can wear comfortable shoes.
Please give me a job. No interview necessary, I think my resume speaks for itself.
Hearts and Flowers,
Kizz
*I do not actually need a job, I’m just pretending for the sake of the funny.
September 28th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Wait. What position was this woman applying for?
Dear God tell me it was something OTHER than copywriting.
September 28th, 2007 at 10:32 pm
Having been in the copywriting arena for approximately far, far too long, I think this “Jane” may be on to something.
Although she should really save it for the interview.
I’ll dissent. Give her a break. She thought her approach was unique.
“Don’t touch me, I’m a real live wire.” David Byrne had no copywriting experience when he wrote that. Yes, the song was entitled “Psycho Killer”… he HAD NO COPYWRITING EXPERIENCE at the time.
September 29th, 2007 at 8:28 am
Brilliant.
And personally, I like her commas. They’re quite artfully placed.
- Aurelius
September 29th, 2007 at 10:54 am
No….. this is just a drop “OF” the ocean, which means that the entirety of her experience is the whole magilla. The actual ocean.
I think you should hire her (or at least interview her) simply for the material. A guy in my office is great to have around for this purpose alone. He referred to our boss as being “a little green around the collar”, and another guy as being “so abstinent!!”.
These people really do have their place. Plus, you never know when you’ll have to urge to take a swim.
September 29th, 2007 at 12:18 pm
October 1st, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Oh, I heart you so much. You really, really made me laugh.
October 3rd, 2007 at 1:23 pm
HAhaha!!! As a reader of many cover letters, preceding many resumes, I always enjoy amusing presentations like Jane’s TOO BAD I don’t have the time to interview them just for the sake of further entertainment. It just wouldn’t be fair. To me or the applicant!!! Thanks, Chaim, for sending me this!!!!
October 3rd, 2007 at 7:54 pm
I read this at work the other day and had to walk away from my desk to laugh. Once you got to the macing yourself - I lost it.