Love to all.

Not that I’m telling you to move, but yeah dude, you live in a really expensive town.

Changing schools sucks (my son went to 3 different schools in 3 different states in 3 years), but you could live just a COUPLE of miles away, so your kids could still see their old friends, and it would be tons and tons cheaper. I know your schools are at the top of the list for the state, but there are good schools elsewhere.

The high end of the market here in the county is still in good shape. That may not be the case soon.

But who the hell am I to dispense advice, as I’m still a low-life renter! In any case, hugs. Constant anxiety about finances is not a comfortable way to live.

Dude,
your kids’ happiness is not only dependent on their friends but also on the health and wellness of their parents. And constant low level stress — especially money stress — is a killer. Of relationships and people.

Take care. Talk to each other. Talk to experts. Get advice. Don’t make rash decisions but don’t bury your heads in the sand either.

(how’s that for a nickel’s worth of free cliches?)

prayers are with you

It’s a hard decision to make. I can’t imagine surviving the cost of living where you are. Come out west (ha ha) you could probably have a “big ole” house for what it costs for an apartment in N.Y. You can also have cows, chickens, goats, and horses on the lot next to your house. We do. : )

Good Luck with your decision. It’s crazy how much kids influence our decisions. I often think about how easy decision would be without kids. Life would be easier but much less fulfilling and maybe even a little boring. (at least that’s what I keep telling myself to prevent going insane).

Hang in there! You will make the right decision, even if it is a hard one.

NFH is absolutely right. Unhappy, stressed out parents make unhappy, stressed out kids.

Now, to add to the list of cliches…Remember that change can be good and kids are mostly resilient when it comes to change. If you see it as a positive, e.g. the chance to make new friends, discover strength they (and you) didn’t realize they had, a character building opportunity, etc., it might make a difference in how you and your kids would see moving.

Definitely not an easy decision. But, it’s also not one you have to make this instant either. Like NFH said, talk and keep talking about it. Make lists of the pros and cons. And pray.

Ultimately, you’ll know in your heart what the right thing to do is.

I’m adding my voice to Not Fainthearted’s - change, for the sake of the reasons you mentioned in this entry, IS worth it.

As a kid who was moved around a fair deal up to and including the present time, I can whole-heartedly say it does more good than harm. I mean, obviously not crazy moving all over the country moving, but a bit of variety makes for a more well-rounded child, I think.

There are always new friends to meet and new places to see. I always looked on it as something of an adventure.

I think ultimately you’d be doing the kids - and you & Maggie - a big favour by moving somewhere where money isn’t going to be a huge stress.

/two cents.

What they all said.

OK- I’m not truly dissenting, but as a man standing on the same side of the same boulder, there is much to be said that hasn’t been said here:

- Yeah, you could move to a less expensive neighborhood. However, from where you live now, that less expensive neighborhood (with enough house/land to be comparable) is really about 50-75 miles north. You can’t sell your house in this area and buy a smaller house. Around here you have to move. There are not enough quality properties at reasonable prices here, and most likely you’d get hammered on your rate. Maybe Po knows more than me, though… if so, buy a friggin’ house!
- While you do work virtually, some of what you do requires human contact. How much further can you afford to go from humanity before you become an absentee dad due to commuting?
- Is this a constant, or is it a temporary setback?
- Do you like where you are?
- Are there other means of controlling cash flow? I’ve saved $120 a month just by getting a Thermos and skipping the Starbucks.

I’m not saying don’t move. Just playing Devil’s Advocate.

Speaking of jobs- I’ve had 2 interviews this week (10 miles from home and 70 miles from home). I’ve been invited for a 2nd at both, and feel I have a shot at both, but nothing is for certain. Guess who’s fast-tracking and most likely to make offers first? Do I want a 3-4 hour commute to and from LI and 28,000 miles of driving each year? Yikes! However, it assures my retirement and allows me to stay in my field, which lately isn’t showing me much love.

Sigh. I feel you, brother. Truly.

Oh God do I feel this.

In our case the town wasn’t expensive - but the job market sucked. Bad. We were doing fine. Well. But we lived in constant fear of “something” happening - knowing that we had shit else for options if it did. No matter how much we saved up, there was always that fear.

And so - we moved.

I can’t tell you if that was the right thing or not, really.

I can however give you all kinds of tips and advice on how we managed to save up tens of thousands of dollars - if that would help.

Thinking of you.

No, the battle isn’t worth it.

Gah.

I have no advice to dispense, but would welcome your entire family to Eastern NC.

Best of luck, my friend.

By the way - did you ever get that tat?

I just came back from New York. I thought of you as I passed Grand Central on a daily basis. It is so expensive to live there, or anywhere near there. I couldn’t believe how much a single family home costs. Our house is three bedrooms, one bath, dining room, living room, rec room and a huge yard with a whopping buying cost of $69,000. It’s an older home, but who cares. The extra money we put into it will raise the value. Our house is already worth over $80,000. I know it doesn’t sound like much compared to where you are staying. I just wanted to give you an idea of the difference.

Well, I hope you can come to terms with this. It’s a lot for a family to think about. You and your family are in my thoughts. Have an awesome day!