I lost my shit.
I mean, LOST it. I said "fuck you" to Maggie like, 6 different times, all within crystal clear earshot of the kids. I feel terribly guilty and utterly fucked up.
Why did I lose it? Because I'm right. Maggie and I had another argument about money, finances, and business. And that classic thing happened: Maggie said something I thought was really insulting and incorrect, I got mad (but not yelling, "fuck you!" mad), asked her to give me an example of what she's talking about, she refuses to do so on the grounds that I'm mad, and THEN I LOSE MY SHIT, thus validating her whole point about me too mad to talk to. And that leaves me feeling manipulated, guilty, and isolated.
I wish I had my family to talk to. Time to go kill people on the XBOX, I think.
Love to all. Even you, blue.
Why did I lose it? Because I'm right. Maggie and I had another argument about money, finances, and business. And that classic thing happened: Maggie said something I thought was really insulting and incorrect, I got mad (but not yelling, "fuck you!" mad), asked her to give me an example of what she's talking about, she refuses to do so on the grounds that I'm mad, and THEN I LOSE MY SHIT, thus validating her whole point about me too mad to talk to. And that leaves me feeling manipulated, guilty, and isolated.
I wish I had my family to talk to. Time to go kill people on the XBOX, I think.
Love to all. Even you, blue.
8 Comments:
*hug*
My own dear husband did this to me recently. And I forgave him.
Hugs to you.
Man.
I'm sorry.
On the up swing, however, ALL couples fight about money and work and stress.
Congratulations; you're normal.
May the week get better for all of you, my friend.
Rich, my husband and I never fought -> feelings supressed for years -> splitsville. Better out than in.
The two issues that will wreck a marriage...
1. Sex
2. Money
I guess we haven't worked out all those issues then huh? There is a time for anger and a time for diplomacy. Not that you've been rotating at 100mph lately...
Loosing your sh*t isn't going to help you - did you even stop to listen or is she just argumentative?
Stop
Pray
Get to a Meeting
Call your Sponsor...
There are ways to discuss things without foul language. Manipulation I guess it's time to Do another 4th!!!
What do you own and what does she own? You are only responsible for your side of the street.
If you aren't using program and principles then I wonder why not?
This Too Shall Pass.
Jeremy
I'm with Aesthetic. One of the biggest issues is NOT talking out feelings, stresses and suck-fests. But I hear you, too. It never feels good after you've let the effenheimer fly in front of your kids...especially when directed at their mom (a.k.a. the woman you love)
If I have any advice it's "don't give up and walk away from it." Stay in the struggle. Work it out. Work the steps (I don't know what the heck I'm talking about here, sorry.) All I know is that checking out is a certain recipe for a crash and burn of epic proportions. And no one wants that. You don't, Maggie doesn't, your kids don't. And we, your virtual friends sure as hell don't.
I've found that the hard "fix this thing in my life or it will kill me" decisions are only hard until I make them. Then the freedom and peace of working out the decision makes it worthwhile. Give everything you've got to working through this, and trust that Maggie will too.
And know you can vent here (or wherever you move this to...and tell us ;) )
Peace, bro.
I know it's a little late for this, but sometimes it does make sense to shelve the conversation until you've both had time to think things through.
I wish I had some other sage advice. I hate confrontation, so I'll swallow a lot just to avoid a fight. Not healthy, so I have nothing to offer other than my prayers.
I do know enough from reading the things you've shared to know how much you love your family, how strong you are, and how totally committed to living a sober and healthy life, that I believe completely you can find your way to peace and love again.
It also sucks not to have your family. I get it; both of my parents are gone and my mom and I had a lousy relationship for most of the last four years of her life.
If it's not too weird for you, check out the Stephen Ministry at your parish. I've been talking to a Stephen Minister for the last 2 years about my mom and it's amazing how far I've come. Pray about it and I know God will send you the right person to help you through this.
Good luck with everything.
apparently relationships aren't doing too well this season, but seasons do come and go. that sucks, man. good luck, though.
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