Three years ago today.
I was at my second job and hungover again. You could light my breath on fire with a match. It had been seven years since I started drinking again. Seven years since I thought I had "outgrown" my drinking problem. Hell, I was 20 years old when I quit drinking the first time. Who wouldn't think they had outgrown it.
I was wrong.
Seven years went by: repeated and broken promises to quit that I really meant at the time, hidden vodka bottles, waiting for the kids to leave the room so I could slam down some booze, buying booze in duplicate so nobody would know how much I drank (right!), waking up every day thinking "I am NOT drinking today ," a general and depressing withdrawal and a lack of being there... even when I was physically present.
On September 18, 2003, Maggie said to me:
I'm posting this at 5:45am, because I'm catching the train to NYC to hit a 7:30am AA meeting. Because I don't want to drink today. And because I want to be the best father, husband, and worker I can be. I fail a lot. I can be a total, irritable jackass. I can behave badly. But I'm trying. And the one thing I've managed to get right is not drinking.
And if I keep that up, well, anything is possible.
Love to all. Even you, the guy my age who can't seem to put together three days.
I was wrong.
Seven years went by: repeated and broken promises to quit that I really meant at the time, hidden vodka bottles, waiting for the kids to leave the room so I could slam down some booze, buying booze in duplicate so nobody would know how much I drank (right!), waking up every day thinking "I am NOT drinking today ," a general and depressing withdrawal and a lack of being there... even when I was physically present.
On September 18, 2003, Maggie said to me:
"Rich, is this what Jesus wants for you?"And went to the AA meeting on 14th Street between 5th and 6th and haven't had a drink since.
I said: "No."
I'm posting this at 5:45am, because I'm catching the train to NYC to hit a 7:30am AA meeting. Because I don't want to drink today. And because I want to be the best father, husband, and worker I can be. I fail a lot. I can be a total, irritable jackass. I can behave badly. But I'm trying. And the one thing I've managed to get right is not drinking.
And if I keep that up, well, anything is possible.
Love to all. Even you, the guy my age who can't seem to put together three days.
10 Comments:
We all fail a lot. That's what helps us learn.
You learned and by quitting, you are the best father, husband and worker.
Three years is amilestone in our world. Hell, every year is a milestone in our this world.
Congrats on your sobriety!
All you can do today is try your best. You help others in ways you'll never know.
Love to all. Especially you.
Congrats dude!
Keep at it. Each day as it comes.
Someone is always a phone call away.
That is a lot of days.
Congrats, man.
You're doing it and knowing that, you can keep doing it.
What an amazing wife you have to have the courage to say that to you and to support you in your recovery.
Kudos to you both!
Out of curiosity - which of the 12 steps do you find most challenging?
Not only am I positive that your sobriety makes you a better man, husband and father, your example and story have made me a better person.
Good for you! My dad died a just about 10 years ago this week - he was an alcoholic and he fried his liver. He didn't live to see his 2 youngest grandchildren and my 12 year old doesn't remember him. Never give up - your kids will thank you for it!
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