Theory: All men would be bisexual, if they could be.
First of all, you might want to file this under “crazy-ass theories Rich comes up with when doing direct marketing work on the 5:30am train to NYC.”
In the past, I was known to say, “Dude, I WISH I was bisexual. That way, I could hook up whenever I wanted to.” This assumes that I was bi and single, of course.
I mean, if being gay was a “choice,” then all men would be gay. Or at least really, really, bi. After all, men are orgasm-centric. We can largely separate the emotional from the physical. Or at least we think we can. It might just be that we get overwhelmed by the Orgasmic Urge, and then feel terribly guilty about it. Feel free to write in on that one.
But my point is that if men could, by choice, find other men sexually attractive, don’t you think they would? That way, they could be, like: “Yo, Dave: want to jump out for a beer and a hand job?” Especially younger dudes, as opposed to 30-something guys like me who, um… have achieved perfect mental, spiritual, and physical balance.
Did you buy that last one? Stop giggling, dammit.
By the way: I’m not reducing homosexuality to sexual urges. I fully realize that gay and lesbian relationships are just as complex, dramatic, and stupid as heterosexual ones. I’m just talking about one facet, here.
Love to all. Even you, the bored-looking lady in the hot pink dress and 2-inch heels, anxiously waiting to exit Metro-North train.
In the past, I was known to say, “Dude, I WISH I was bisexual. That way, I could hook up whenever I wanted to.” This assumes that I was bi and single, of course.
I mean, if being gay was a “choice,” then all men would be gay. Or at least really, really, bi. After all, men are orgasm-centric. We can largely separate the emotional from the physical. Or at least we think we can. It might just be that we get overwhelmed by the Orgasmic Urge, and then feel terribly guilty about it. Feel free to write in on that one.
But my point is that if men could, by choice, find other men sexually attractive, don’t you think they would? That way, they could be, like: “Yo, Dave: want to jump out for a beer and a hand job?” Especially younger dudes, as opposed to 30-something guys like me who, um… have achieved perfect mental, spiritual, and physical balance.
Did you buy that last one? Stop giggling, dammit.
By the way: I’m not reducing homosexuality to sexual urges. I fully realize that gay and lesbian relationships are just as complex, dramatic, and stupid as heterosexual ones. I’m just talking about one facet, here.
Love to all. Even you, the bored-looking lady in the hot pink dress and 2-inch heels, anxiously waiting to exit Metro-North train.
8 Comments:
I dunno about the guy point of view, but it's sure as shit not easy being a bisexual woman. If you are straight, there's no problem. If you are gay, there's a bit of a problem, but it's really getting much easier to be gay (at least if you live in a major city), but being bi is still horribly stigmatized. We are seen as sex addicts and worse by straights. We are shunned by the lesbian community who see us as "greedy" and as pretenders. If given a choice at birth, there's no WAY I'd chose to be bi. No freakin' way.
Rich~~First, I must say that I always enjoy your writing and your thoughts. Secondly, as a gay man, I find your candor and open-mindedness refreshing. The world needs more people like you.
I can only say that is refresing and open and dang you have to be one heck of a guy to write it!
Honest and sensitive you are sooo sexy!
You may have something there...
I can say, however, that while I"ve many times thoughout my life wished I could make the 'choice' to be a lesbian (to be with someone who talks my language and understands my insecurities and is all soft and sweet-smelling...) I have never once wanted to be bi. Too many possibilities, dude! I'd always feel like I was missing out on something or someone, and I'd never be able to just settle down. No thanks.
Dude,
You're so gay, you don't even know it!
that was a great post, no matter what you say about crazy ramblings. :)
Yeah, being bi as a woman leads to far too many complications. Men want you to be "bi" with them in the equation and women tell you to "get off the fence." Both consider you a slut. I now "choose" to be asexual. Helluva a lot easier, especially at my age.
Great post. Thanks for the laugh!
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